There comes a time in life when suddenly a series of "never agains" happen. The people, the places, the things we always took for granted suddenly disappear out of nowhere. And, we stand their clueless, having no idea how to deal with it, afraid of being lost and be never found again. Life has a weird way of bringing transitions when you least want it.
Spending a decade at school, becoming best of friends with a bunch of crazy folks, the never ending classes (not to forget the obnoxious teachers), the terrible exams, the classrooms that felt like home became memories even before I realised it. One fine day, I just returned and never went back. Never again, I enthusiastically sang the school antheme in my half sleepy voice (morning assembly, you know?), never again my gang of friends gathered in canteen, munching over their favourite snacks dipped in hot gossips, never again I found my teachers obnoxious (yeah, growing up), never again the last minute study boosted my confidence in exams and never again I felt so protected yet so care free.
A little lost, a little anxious, leaving behind the people, the place that was my world, I moved forward, oblivious of the never agains that would hit me again few years down the line. Midst college, new place, new faces and a new journey I rebuilt my own little world, carved with dreams, aspirations, assignments, semesters and crazy friends yet again (lucky twice!) Growing up did show me the delusion of this world in bits and pieces yet, I chose to comfort myself with the illusions of forevers. However, the inevitable change hit me again, and I found myself trapped in the vicious circle of never agains once more. It broke my heart a little too much. The fact that my world fell apart yet again, hit me hard. As I bid adieu to everyone and smile through tears, I feel scared, deja vu I guess. I have felt this before and there would be a plethora of experiences in future that would make me feel the exact same way.
Scared, anxious, lonely I walk towards a new journey, the roads I am going to take now will be a little more difficult than the previous ones. I will be judged, criticised, applauded and motivated at times too. I might make few acquaintances also. I say acquaintances becauses friendships get a little overrated by this time. The transitions over the years might make me mature or else I will pretend being mature (half of the people do that, don't they?) In the race of perfection, I will get trapped midst professional and personal life, seldom realising the fact that how perfect I am with my imperfections. The occasional outings with the school buddies and college friends (we promised to annoy each other forever) will bring all the emotions in "Carpe diem" and "YOLO". I will smile genuinely for a while and crave to literally seize the moment but would end up doing check-ins and uploads on Instagram and Facebook.
And, as years pass by and time keeps moving, one fine day while siping my favourite cappuccino, reading "The fault in our stars" the umpteenth time, the "never agains" will wave at me yet again. Deja vu, is it? No. Not exactly. I won't be scared this time. I will be at solace and smile as I walk towards the dead end, holding all my memories firmly, never ever to return. I will look back once just to make sure if my closed ones realise the end of my existence and smile half heartedly as they desperately try to stop me from sinking in oblivion. Never again, my cappuccino will find my taste buds, never again the pages of "The fault in our stars" will witness the touch of its favourite reader, never again my closed ones would feel my presence, never again my friends would laugh with me and never again I will have to prove the world that "I was perfectly perfect with my imperfections." Adieu!
© Sheerin Naz.
Picture courtesy: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/07/Lifetitle.jpg
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