Reach out.

When the darkness starts creeping in a little too much and the walls of your room seems caving in, reach out to me. I will be standing right there, smiling.

Relax, I won't judge you. You even won't hear comforting words like "you will be fine", for, I know it's a constant struggle that you go through every day. But, hey, I will listen and help you cope up with your fears, one thought at a time. Just reach out to me, okay?

© Sheerin Naz.

A writer's melancholy.

They say "you writers make melancholy look beautiful".

"What if that's the only way we know to survive?"

I want to speak my heart out, but I stop mid-way. A faded smile comes on my face.

But, hey! I can always write, can't I?

© Sheerin Naz.

I wonder!

And, I wonder if by any means you knew I was breaking, one moment at a time, would you come and hold my broken pieces or just sit back and see me die, a slow death?

© Sheerin Naz.

Sunsets.

And, if at all, you ever bid me adieu, do it at the sunset. For, I will be happy in the delusion of finding you again amidst a sunset, someday. After all, sunsets give hope of a new day, new life, don't they?

Till then, I will look for you in every sunset, believing that somewhere in another corner of the world, you are doing the same.

© Sheerin Naz.

High on dreams.

And, someday, after years of melancholy, I will find you somewhere standing on that road again, where we had parted ways and drifted to never come back. You would be smiling and so would I - and, suddenly, all those years of bitterness would melt while we look at the sunset and share comfortable silences. For, that's how it was meant to be, always.

© Sheerin Naz.

Autumn is here.

As the sky turns crimson, I stare at the sunset. It's end of the day again. A tiring and exhausting day of what all has gone and what all is about to come - the chaos in my heart belittles me but, the beauty of sunset calms me down. Maybe a new day awaits my existence. Maybe the autumn is somewhere near - the falling leaves are here to bring the change. And, my dreams are about to come true. Miracles happen, don't they?

© Sheerin Naz.

Found my omen.

As I sit in silence and see myself giving up on life and everything around, a sudden nostalgia hits me hard. Lots and lots of flashbacks come out of nowhere. I see the remniscenses of my chirpy smiles and careless laughters smiling back at me. "You were such a happy person. When did you lose yourself?" My inner voice  has a lot to ask today, I guess. Have I really lost myself? Probably yes. Maybe life happened a little too fast or the struggles surrounded me a bit too much. But, isn't life supposed to be that way? Complicated and unfair.

I smirk at the paradoxes and contradictions of my thoughts and look at the sky, the stars seem to be embracing the night completely. I wonder how the darkness of the night doesn't intrigue the stars while it illuminates the whole world. "This could be your omen". I could hear my inner voice once again. Maybe, this is what I need to do. Embrace my struggles and rise up with every fall. This very thought made me smille. Yes. This is my omen. I can't and I won't give up on life. I can't just wait for a miracle, I need to make it happen. My destination is some where close and I will figure it out as life goes.

And, yes, I haven't stopped smiling since a while. My inner voice is at peace too. Feels good, ya!

© Sheerin Naz.

C'est la vie.

I have often been told "you have changed a lot". "For all the good reasons". I add. Maybe, they don't think so. People judge real quick, don't they? They notice the change but, fail to see the years of pain I endured behind that pretty smile. They judge me for enjoying my solitude but, never held my hand when I was lonely. They smirk at my love for books and fictional characters, but were nowhere to be found when I needed company. They complain about my indifference, but had walked away when their words could actually make a difference.

It took me days, months and years to endure self-love and rise with every fall. And, you tell me I have changed? Well, I don't mind. It's okay because your validation doesn't matter anymore.

C'est la vie!

© Sheerin Naz.

It's always good to be alive.

And, there comes a day when you give up on life, but life doesn't give up on you. Be grateful to such days for, these are blessings in disguise. Years later, when you shall be busy counting your happiness, a sudden reminiscence of that vulnerable day will hit you hard and the realization that life didn't let you give up at your weakest moment will induce you with solace. 

What if life didn't give you that second chance? What if your vulnerabilty carved your way towards oblivion? Wouldn't you miss out a lot in life?

No matter how tough life might seem, cling to your hope, hold on, fight and struggle your way through out. Remember, it's always good to be alive!

© Sheerin Naz.

Heal, survive and be alive.

There is something insanely beautiful about the broken people.They could be the saddest person in the entire world yet, the melancholy fails to belittle their smile. For, damaged people know how important is to heal, survive and be alive! And, survivors are beautiful, aren't they?

© Sheerin Naz.

Storms are beautiful too.

"A cup of hot coffee and a profound book for company, what else can a bibliophile ask for? Rains, maybe?"

I have been sitting in the balcony since a little while, hooked on "The fault in our stars", a book I love dearly. My heart skips a beat as I come closer to the page where Augustus Waters, my favorite protagonist gets lost in oblivion. I know it's going to break my heart the umpteenth time. Nevermind, I truly believe in the words of Augustus Waters; "it's a privilege to get my heartbroken by you". I witness his painfully beautiful death yet again. Irony at its best, isn't it? Can death be beautiful? It indeed can, if you get to make memories of a lifetime within a numbered days. This is what Augustus Waters says. And, I love him a little too much not to believe him. Okay. Don't give me that look. I know he is fictional but, that doesn't belittle my love for him.

I am still grieving the loss of my favorite fictional character, when the rain starts pouring down. Maybe the melancholy of my heart reached the sky and it sent rain to give me solace. I keep the book aside and try to witness the serenity around. I see people enjoying the mild rain shower. Few children are busy weaving their dreams while they sail their beautifully carved paper boats. A look towards the sky and I can see a rainbow too. A colorful streak in the otherwise blue sky. A beautiful sight to behold! The nature seems to be inducing colors in its canvas. But, I guess I was wrong. The natures looks in a mood of painting it all black. The mild shower is transforming into heavy rain. The clouds can be seen ushering the storms. I am still in awe of the nature. However, things seem to be different all around. The sounds of the abrupt shut down of doors and windows is quite audible. Children are rushing inside. The roads suddenly seem deserted. The paper boats are drowning as if dying a slow death.

It's sad yet overwhelming. We embrace the rainbow but, abandon the storm. We love the rain but, despise the thunder. I smirk at the convenient adaptation of people. Why happiness is necessary all the time? Why can't sadness be embraced profoundly? Why can't we value storms as much as we love rainbow? If rainbow makes you smile, storms make you stronger. Why not value them equally? Neither you can be happy always, nor sad. So, why not honor them both?

The thundering hasn't stopped yet. The rain seems on a marathon. I find a certain kind of melancholy in the way rain falls during storms. There's no one to adore the otherwise loved rain. Nevertheless, I stand right here in my balcony while the storm drenches me completely. My eyes are closed but, I can feel it quenching my soul as it mends my broken heart, one moment at a time. And, all I can do is smile, smile and smile some more.

I think it's time to get some edits done, isn't it? Well, here you go!

"A cup of hot coffee and a profound book for company, what else can a bibliophile ask for? storms, maybe?"

© Sheerin Naz.

Just a day.

I have often heard people saying "have a good day". I wonder why is it necessary to have a good day? Why can't I have "just a day"?

There are days when I am sad, the world comes crashing down. Those days when I hold myself tight yet fail to keep my broken pieces intact. On days like this, all I wish to survive and exist for an another day, when things will fall in place and my existence will matter. Those days are definitely not good.

There are days when life just goes on. I find myself lost amidst the chaotic mess that surrounds me. On days like these, the monotonous life makes me forget my identity. Those days aren't good either.

Also, there are days when I feel like painting the town red. Happiness shines bright within my brown eyes. I get into profound conversations and reflect upon the blessings I have. I can be seen having a gala time amidst chirpy laughters and quirky smiles. Can these days be called good? No. Because, they are downright amazing!

You see, how days can be sad, normal, good, happy, amazing and horrible (feel free to add more adjectives) for different people at different moment? So, instead of stereotyping people with "have a good day", allow them to have "just a day". Let them figure out what they want their day to be. Fair enough, isn't it?

Anyway, have a good day. Oops I mean "have a day". Don't give up. Okay?

© Sheerin Naz.

Be you.

So, is it been a while you have been yourself? Trying too hard to fit in the crowd, eh? Ripping your soul apart while proving your worth to the world? Wait. Calm down. Relax and think,

"Is it necessary to be in everyone's good book"?
"Do you require to please everyone when your heart is breaking a little too much?"
"Does your sadness needs to be disguised beside that smile?"

Certainly not.

You're not here to prove your worthiness to the world. It's okay if people do not like you for what you are. It's okay if you despise crowd and being solitary is your idea of happiness. It's okay to cry your heart out and not camouflage your melancholy with a forced smile. It's okay. It's all okay.

Stop caring for people who hardly acknowledge your existence.
Stop valuing memories which no longer hold any meaning.
Stop being selfless when the world tries to hurt you hard. Stop it, for once and all.

Instead, find yourself. Enjoy your solitude. Exist. Survive. Rise.

And, one fine day you will see how your constant quest with life finds a meaning and how you meet the right kind of people who will appreciate you for being real, being unapologetic, embracing self-love and most importantly, being yourself.

In a world where everything is judged amidst the paramater of black and white, dare to be grey, be you! :)

© Sheerin Naz.

वो माँ हैं।

मेरे आँसु को भी मुस्कुराहट में तब्दील कर देतीं,
वो माँ हैं, मैंने बेइंतिहा ग़म में भी उन्हें कभी मायूस नही देखा।

मेरी नाकामियों पर भी मुझसे नाउम्मीद नही होतीं,
वो माँ हैं, मैंने ज़िन्दगी की आज़माइश में उन्हें कभी थकते नहीं देखा।

मेरी नासमझ नाराज़गी पर भी मुझसे कभी ख़फ़ा नहीं होतीं,
वो माँ हैं, मैंने दिल टूटने पर भी उन्हें कभी शिकायत करते नहीं देखा।

मेरी हल्की सी ख़रोंच पे भी परेशां हो जातीं,
वो माँ हैं, मैंने बेहद दर्द में भी उन्हें कभी रोते नहीं देखा।

मेरे खवाबों को अपनी ज़िंदगी का मक़सद बनातीं,
वो माँ हैं, मैंने ख़ुद के लिए उन्हें कभी कोई ख़्वाहिश करते नहीं देखा।

वो माँ हैं.....

© Sheerin Naz.

अक्सर याद आती हैं।

अक्सर याद आती हैं अपने शहर की वो बेतरतीब गलियां,
जहां कहानियां हज़ार है दोस्तों से मुलाकात की,
कुछ कर गुजरने की जज़्बात की।

अक्सर याद आती हैं अपने शहर की वो बेतरतीब गलियां,
जहां ख्वाबों का आगाज़ हुआ,
ख़्वाहिशों का परवाज़ हुआ।

अक्सर याद आती हैं अपने शहर की वो बेतरतीब गलियां,
जहां कभी खुद को खो के भी ढूंढ लिया था,
और ज़ार ज़ार रो के भी हंस लिया था।

अक्सर याद आती हैं अपने शहर की वो बेतरतीब गलियां,
जहां मौके थोड़े कम ज़रूर, लेकिन रास्ते बेशुमार थे,
मंज़िल की जुस्तुजू भी थी, और हौसले बेअख्तियार थे।

अक्सर याद आती हैं अपने शहर की वो बेतरतीब गलियां,
जहां दिलों में कोई ख़ौफ़ न था,
नफरोतों का कोई दौड़ न था।

अक्सर याद आती हैं अपने शहर की वो बेतरतीब गलियां,
जो उस बड़े शहर की बुलंदी तक तो ले गयी,
लेकिन, ख़ुद कहीं पीछे रह गयी।

© शीरीं नाज़।

Just a girl.

She was just a girl who loved herself a little too much. You call her self obsessed, arrogant and rude? Maybe you were wrong at judging her so quick. For, you saw only what she portrayed.

You didn't notice her long, slow walks by the beach where her silence did all the talking. You didn't notice how she smiled and entangled her hair while getting lost with the ushering wind. You didn't notice how she walked past the garden, stopping once in a while to reflect on the beauty of the nature. You didn't notice how she loved her coffee while enjoying the rainy days by her window side. You didn't notice how she burst out laughing while playing with random kids in the corridor. You didn't notice how she smiled through tears when melancholy hit her hard. You didn't notice how she picked up her broken pieces everyday and stood intact. Your didn't notice the million stories her brown eyes were yearning to speak. You didn't notice her at all.

Her story was much more than you could ever know and, much deeper than your imagination.

Still willing to judge her?

Well, nevermind!

© Sheerin Naz.

Goodbyes are beautiful.

I have often been advised to “let go” the person, memories and moments that once were a profound part of my life, but are just a part of my prose and poetry now. However, I fail to agree with the concept of “letting go”. I can't just break all ties and move ahead. Goodbyes work better for me. If you wish to leave, don't tell me to “let go”, just smile and bid adieu.

You ask me “What's the difference?” Well, letting go closes all the doors. Once you let go, you give up on that person. You no longer wish to keep a track of their whereabouts. You get okay with their non-existence. You see them after years out of nowhere and walk past, denying their presence, making it all bitter and cold. And, this the last thing I would ever wish to do. Goodbyes are my thing. It lets you cling to an unfathomable hope. The hope of accidentally bumping into you in the middle of the road, few years down the line and sharing a warm smile while reminiscing the good old days. And, not to forget to steal occasional glances of each other. So, you see, goodbyes are heartbreaking yet beautiful, letting go isn't.

© Sheerin Naz.

Perfect misfit.

I have never been the person who fits in the crowd. I look around and observe everyone. People lost in conversations, everywhere. Some talk about life, some share their dreams and some have their opinions on almost everything. I find nothing profound in these conversations. They seem in a hurry to prove some point. Everyone is talking, but sadly no one listens. I smile as I drift away silently from this "I know it all" crowd. Nobody really notices my absence. I am glad they don't. I don't belong here. I never did.

I am more of a "let's get into a soul stirring conversation and know each other" and less of a "let's be social because that's how it works" person. I am a perfect misfit in this imperfect world and, could I be anymore happier? Certainly not.

© Sheerin Naz.

Crazy yet happy.

They say "I am lonely".

"I am alone, not lonely". I smile and nod in disagreement

"What's the difference?" They smirk.

"When you're lonely, you crave for company while being alone is itself complete. It gives you a sense of solace.  Loneliness isn't a choice, aloneness is." I smile some more as I reflect on the profoundness of life.

"You sound crazy". They judge me.

"Crazy yet happy, ever felt that?" Sarcasm works for me at times.

I see them walk away. Not their fault though. They have wore masks all their lives. I wish someday they realise that being normal or crazy doesn't guarantee happiness, being yourself does.

© Sheerin Naz.

The rain drops and starry nights.

It's raining since a while. A look towards the sky and, I witness the whole universe trying to find its place in my deep brown eyes. I blink. The stars blink with me. The moon seems to be enjoying this little rendezvous of ours. Such dark nights embedded with stars make me smile. The rain drops heal my scars. Its melody soothes my soul.

And, people tell surviving is difficult. Is it? Certainly not. With such beauty around me, I can endure it all and still be hopeful.

© Sheerin Naz.

Wrecked yet beautiful.

She walks around carelessly with no clue about her destination. A little lost, she fumbles at places. Her eyes narrate some long forgotten story of melancholy while she tries covering it with happiness and,  smiles in the middle of nowhere. A sad soul with an enchanting smile. Could broken look anymore beautiful? Probably not.

At times, she is found sitting amidst the sea shores. With a little ripped notebook in her hand, she seems to be having profound conversations with the sea waves. Every time the waves touch her feet and goes back, she scribbles something in those worn out pages. What could it be? Maybe, she inks about her dreams, her emotions, her desires that come out of oblivion with the ushering sea waves. The storms of life might have wrecked her but, her soul doesn't belittle her.

You know who she is?

She is the kind of girl who loves the imperfect self, owns up her mistake and proudly flaunts her scars.

She is the kind of girl who doesn't make ordinary look beautiful. For, she believes that “ordinary is beautiful”.

© Sheerin Naz.

Hold on.

Even if things are not falling in place, hold on. Sooner or later, you'll find a way out and untangle the mess your life has become. Life is an enduring journey of struggles. And, all you need to do is conquer it, one struggle at a time. Till then, hold on and don't give up on yourself. Just hang in there. You're doing fine. You certainly are.

© Sheerin Naz.

Why I write?

You ask me, “Why I love writing?”
And, I wonder how cannot one love writing!

Writing can do what people cannot. It lets you travel the world far away from the chaos of your life. The world where you can keep your worries aside, forget yourself and be someone you always wished to be.

When you look around and feel a strange kind of unfamiliarity midst familiar faces. When the world comes crashing down but, all you do is smile, smile and smile some more with eyes full of melancholy. Remember that feeling? I know how it feels. I know it all.

So, when life feels like a mess and my voice gets choked behind the enormous burden of emotions, I write. For, when no one understands me, my words do.

By now, you might have perceived me as someone who is a sadist. Maybe I am. Maybe I am not. There's a line inked by Lang Leave which reads “Not all writers are sad but, all sad people write”. I can't agree more. It's not that happy people don't write. They write and they write so well. However, sad people have a weird kind of solace in the words they ink. They turn melancholy into a muse and convert their scars into prose and poetries. Isn't that beautiful? It certainly is.

Still wondering why I love writing?

Well, I hope you got your answer.

© Sheerin Naz.

Impress me not.

Impress me not with numerous expensive gifts,
But with a rose plucked spontaneously in a swift.

Impress me not by quoting John Keats and Shakespeare,
But with a poem inked by you, inhibiting all your fear.

Impress me not by praising my beauty,
But with sharing my dreams and aspirations beneath the starry sky of the city.

Impress me not with a high end date,
But with a random rendezvous with books where you read me stories I wish to listen and can't wait.

Impress me not with the cliche "I love you" and mushy talk,
But with your vulnerable thoughts while we take a walk.

Impress me not with the promises of happily ever after,
But with accepting the reality of having our share of pain, despair, happiness and laughter.

Impress me not!

© Sheerin Naz.

"I am fine". "Am I"?

The cellphone rang the umpteenth time,
I chose not to pick the call and let the constant rings create chaos in the otherwise calm room. The phone went silent after a while. I picked it up and scrolled the screen. Plenty of missed calls and text messages were staring right at my face as if whining "why I was acting so indifferent". The missed calls and text messages showed familiar names. Family, friends, well wishers. Everyone trying to reach out yet no one understanding the fact that all I wish is to get lost and not be found, atleast for a while.

"The number you're calling is not answering". I wonder if this inbuilt voice could read my mind and convey the message "the number you're calling doesn't wish to talk". I smirk at my thought, take a deep breath and call, reply back everyone. Few complain, few enquire, few seem worried but get assured when I give obvious excuses of "my phone being on silent mode or I being busy".

I sigh. My head feels heavy. It is bound to, enormous dark thoughts are confined in it and still I am not supposed to act indifferent for, everything is perfect and being upset or sad about anything would make the world perceive me as an ungrateful human. I can't afford to do that so I need to smile, I need to act happy, I need to talk and I need to wear this mask everyday as long as I am not in my room, where everything is calm, silent and pitch dark.

Darkness intrigues me a little at times yet I find solace midst it for, this is the only time I can unmask myself, let my vulnerable, raw thoughts out and not be judged for being sad, a little lost and hopelessly hopeless.

© Sheerin Naz.

Expectations and disappointments.

Life is a vicious circle of expectations and disappointments. And, I have been trapped in this circle for a pretty long time. I expect, I get disappointed, I vouch not to expect ever again but, this is not how life is supposed to work, it needs to screw you a little, right?.  So expectations creep yet again and voila! I find myself lying in the pool of hurt and disappointments as usual. I wonder if I will be able to break this circle and clear the mess my life has become. I look around, my eyes are searching for someone who would lift up this heavy burden of disappointments. You see, how expectations are trying to find a way to hurt me again?

Nevertheless, I have got it for once and all. The wait has been far too long and the only one who can rescue me is ME. I know, expectations and disappointments are going to stay a little while but, eventually I will get rid of it, one expectation at a time and find every single reason to celebrate life without regrets.

- © Sheerin Naz.

The never agains.

There comes a time in life when suddenly a series of "never agains" happen. The people, the places, the things we always took for granted suddenly disappear out of nowhere. And, we stand their clueless, having no idea how to deal with it, afraid of being lost and be never found again. Life has a weird way of bringing transitions when you least want it.

Spending a decade at school, becoming best of friends with a bunch of crazy folks, the never ending classes (not to forget the obnoxious teachers), the terrible exams, the classrooms that felt like home became memories even before I realised it. One fine day, I just returned and never went back. Never again, I enthusiastically sang the school antheme in my half sleepy voice (morning assembly, you know?), never again my gang of friends gathered in canteen, munching over their favourite snacks dipped in hot gossips, never again I found my teachers obnoxious (yeah, growing up), never again the last minute study boosted my confidence in exams and never again I felt so protected yet so care free. 

A little lost, a little anxious, leaving behind the people, the place that was my world, I moved forward, oblivious of the never agains that would hit me again few years down the line. Midst college, new place, new faces and a new journey I rebuilt my own little world, carved with dreams, aspirations, assignments, semesters and crazy friends yet again (lucky twice!) Growing up did show me the delusion of this world in bits and pieces yet, I chose to comfort myself with the illusions of forevers. However, the inevitable change hit me again, and I found myself trapped in the vicious circle of never agains once more. It broke my heart a little too much. The fact that my world fell apart yet again, hit me hard. As I bid adieu to everyone and smile through tears, I feel scared, deja vu I guess. I have felt this before and there would be a plethora of experiences in future that would make me feel the exact same way. 

Scared, anxious, lonely I walk towards a new journey, the roads I am going to take now will be a little more difficult than the previous ones. I will be judged, criticised, applauded and motivated at times too. I might make few acquaintances also. I say acquaintances becauses friendships get a little overrated by this time. The transitions over the years might make me mature or else I will pretend being mature (half of the people do that, don't they?) In the race of perfection, I will get trapped midst professional and personal life, seldom realising the fact that how perfect I am with my imperfections. The occasional outings with the school buddies and college friends (we promised to annoy each other forever) will bring all the emotions in "Carpe diem" and "YOLO". I will smile genuinely for a while and crave to literally seize the moment but would end up doing check-ins and uploads on Instagram and Facebook.

And, as years pass by and time keeps moving, one fine day while siping my favourite cappuccino, reading "The fault in our stars" the umpteenth time, the "never agains" will wave at me yet again. Deja vu, is it? No. Not exactly. I won't be scared this time. I will be at solace and smile as I walk towards the dead end, holding all my memories firmly, never ever to return. I will look back once just to make sure if my closed ones realise the end of my existence and smile half heartedly as they desperately try to stop me from sinking in oblivion. Never again, my cappuccino will find my taste buds, never again the pages of "The fault in our stars" will witness the touch of its favourite reader, never again my closed ones would feel my presence, never again my friends would laugh with me and never again I will have to prove the world that "I was perfectly perfect with my imperfections." Adieu!

© Sheerin Naz.

          Picture courtesy: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/07/Lifetitle.jpg

An unre-key-ted love story.

Once upon a keyboard, PASSWORD fell in love with CAPSLOCK. However, ENTER feared losing its supremacy and played the evil. It goofed up with technology and debarred password forever from connecting with Capslock. And, this is how an UNRE-KEY-TED love story was processed.

© Sheerin Naz.

Silence and solace.

Sometimes when you say "I am fine" even while you're falling apart, you desperately want people to fall for your lie. Because, not always you wish to give voice to your unprecendented thoughts, not always you crave to hear the comforting words of friends, not always you desire to get into profound conversations with your loved ones. No matter how much the world genuinely cares, it's okay to disconnect from everything and embrace the companionship of silence for a little while. It's okay to be a little lost and still not seek the way to right path.

Sometimes, silence gives you the answer which chaos never can and the path wrong taken paves avenues for journeys which you never knew you could take.

© Sheerin Naz.

Ides of March.

They say "beware the ides of March". I wonder why? Would it delay the inevitable? It certainly wouldn't. Life comes a full circle, no matter what. So, instead of being cautious about the utterly unpredictable life, enjoy while it lasts.

© Sheerin Naz.

Twinkles, stars, happiness.

I have been smiling from a while. These twinkles and stars seem to brighten up my life, for a moment. I look around, trying to find some imperfection midst this perfect ambience. For, imperfections define my dark thoughts , the darkness has been my companion since a long time. Nevertheless, today is a different day. The stars delude me into thinking everything is perfect. I am amused at the delusion of happiness these twinkles are inducing me with. The darkness is sinking in oblivion, and I find a sense of solace. Even if it's for a while, it all makes sense now. This moment, this time, the solitude, it's all mine. For a change, the broken looks beautiful and chaos looks sorted. Sigh!

© Sheerin Naz.

Twinkles!

Things I often think about. Ordinary yet beautiful.

I am sitting here from a while. The wooden bench at the corner of the park has been my favourite since a long time. It is my happy place where I can sit for hours and calm the chaos that surrounds me all the time. The deserted bench feels like home, the silence here is amusingly soothing. I take a deep breath and look around, lots of people everywhere. Some familiar faces, some strangers. I smile when when my eyes meet theirs, they reciprocrate. A warm gesture that has been a routine from the day I started visiting here. Just a smile and that's all.
I am not that "lets talk it all" kind of person, I am more of a "lets just smile and get away with it" person. Socially awkward. That's me. I am comfortable in my silences, it lets me paint my chaos on the canvas of words. Maybe this is how I tend to survive, on words that I ink and the stories that I tell. It's late. The sun is all set to bid goodbye for a while. Time to walk away from solace and get back to the chaos of the world that is everything made up of paradoxes and contradictions. I walk away from my happy place, assuring myself of being back here tomorrow. The roads seem longer than usual. I take small steps, lost in the beauty of the nature revived by the rain the previous day. My eyes stop at a tree where the autumn leaves are falling. For a change, the broken looks beautiful. I wish the same was the case with humans too. We don't look beautiful when broken. I smirk at my dark thoughts and keep walking. The pain in my eyes is evident but, I still cling to the hope of another day. Life might not change in a day, nevertheless I will have my wooden bench to lean upon and share my comfortable silences with.

© Sheerin Naz.

Photo courtesy: https://cdn.shutterstock.com/shutterstock/videos/19468216/thumb/1.jpg

Written yet unsaid.

The only thing I'd leave unsaid is your memory that inks its way in my proses and poems, draped in fiction, carved out of profoundness. I wish, when someday you come across the emotions I inked and find a piece of yourself in every word that was written yet left unsaid, nostalgia hits you hard where it hurts the most, the heart!

© Sheerin Naz.

Picture source: https://keithnicolas.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/writing_20bible_20scroll_201.jpg

High on dark thoughts.

I sit quietly in the corner of my room, analysing anything and everything. It's in the middle of such dark nights when I wish to confront my demons. I try talking but, my voice gets choked up. Maybe the burden of emotions is too heavy to be voiced out. I divert my mind and stare at the intricate details of my wall. Shades of pink, everywhere. The lights illuminate the pink walls, making it all bright and beautiful. I wonder if it could reflect some brightness in my life too. I sigh and look at the wall clock. The constant ticking of the clock in the dead silence scares me. Time is sinking with each second and I am still in the middle of nowhere. I try keeping calm but, fail hopelessly at not succumbing to my vulnerabilities.

My smile denies to mask my pain. Loneliness grips me hard which I always try covering up with a tag of solitude. The delusion of happiness helps me cope up during day. However, nights have a different story. Away from the chaos of the world, my mind gets trapped in its own dark thoughts. I wish to escape yet I see nothing but, dead ends everywhere. I have been dying, one moment at a time yet I hope I find my existence, someday soon enough.

© Sheerin Naz.

Photo courtesy: https://aurynhadleydotcom.files.wordpress.com/2016/05/asjl0uigor.jpg?w=863

Rain, books and coffee.

It was one of those rainy days when solitude was all she wished to seek, where she could unwind herself midst the rhythm of raindrops. And, her idea of solace was nothing short of a magical journey which found its destination in the profoundness of the withered pages of her favourite books. 

A little drenched in rain, she took a brief walk down the book cafe. Her eyes gleamed with happiness as she stood there for a while, admiring the beauty of the book cafe carved intricately from woods with a tinge of vintage effect to it. This was her happy place where life embraced her with open arms. It seemed as if she had always been here, wandering past the book shelfs, inhaling the fragnance of the books, falling in love with stories in the process of reading, creating memories dipped in happiness and melancholy, inking thoughts over a cup of coffee and enjoying her solitude to the core.

She was meant to be here for, a bibliophile was about to fall in love with someone other than book characters.

Unaware of the unprecedented events that was about to happen, she ordered her usual Cappuccino and took out her favourite book "The fault in our stars". She was reading it for the umpteenth time yet, never had enough of it. On days like this, the pratogonists "Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace" used to be her companions of solitude. Their love story broke her heart yet healed it at the same time for, she was everything made up of paradoxes, contradictions, metaphors and profoundness.

Lost in the warmth of the Cappuccino and her book, she kept reading it, embracing every emotion inked on its withered pages. Once in a while, she tucked her hair coming in between the beautifully carved words. And, this was the time cupid came knocking.

"The world is not a wish granting factory, my friend".

She was happily startled by this sudden interruption for, there stood a guy who just quoted her favourite sentence from the book she absolutely loved.

"Tfios fan?" She chuckled while calming her nerves.

"Any doubt? afterall, the pain demands to be felt, doesn't it?" He smiled while taking his seat opposite to her.

"Indeed, it does". She reciprocated while trying not to get lost in his deep, enchanting eyes.

"I might fail miserably in my attempt of not sounding creepy but, I have been observing you from the moment you entered in the cafe". His tone was mild yet firm.

"Is that so? I didn't realise". She was startled again.

"More than the rain, you seemed drenched in your thoughts and, your melonchalic expressions while experiencing heart break at the hands of a paperback melted my heart a little too much". He confessed as the cupid hit him hard.

"I just love Tfios a little too much. It is tragically beautiful". She smiled conciously.

"So, who is your favourite? Augustus or Hazel?" The Tfios fan within him was eager to know.

"Hazel is a sweetheart but, I love Augustus more". She confessed.

"I heart Hazel Grace though, I am yet to find someone as profound as her in real life". He looked in her eyes dropping obvious hints.

"I haven't found my Augustus either". She knew the wait was over.

"I won't mind being your Augustus if you promise to be my Hazel Grace". He always wore his heart on sleeves.

"I hope our stars won't have any faults". Her heart was overwhelmed.

That day, the book cafe witnessed a love story inked from the mutual love of books, emotions, thoughts and memories. It's said, a lot can happen over coffee; little does the world know that a lot can happen over books too.

Rain, coffee, books and two bibliophiles lost in the infinite memoirs of Tfios, could there be a love story better than this? Never ever.

© Sheerin Naz.

Picture source: http://68.media.tumblr.com/73b45bcc51ad4839e3183b7dcfa072b3/tumblr_nkg8u9zD8P1qjxryao1_500.jpg

Never settle for less.

While you sit beside, sharing your life, dreams and stories with me, I try looking in your eyes to find a reassurance of my existence in your conversations. But, all I observe is a void which is going nowhere. My heart sinks, my vision gets blurred, your voice still echoing in my ears yet there seems a deafening silence all around. You seem strangely undisturbed, lost somewhere in a world where I cannot find my destination. Your presence makes me feel lonely, you are right in front of me yet I find you distant, very distant. I feel as if I am midst an oasis in a far away desert yet, my thirst remains unquenched. Slowly, my thoughts get a vision, you are still talking, unaware of the chaos within my heart. I look at you once again, not to find any assurance this time but, to break free. I hold your hand and smile. You seem clueless.

"My chaos can never find solace in a world carved solely for you". I say with a profound sadness and walk away.

I don't look back. I never will for, someday, somewhere I shall find a place I can call home, someone who can quench my soul, someone whose life, dreams and conversations will have my existence imprinted everywhere. Till then, I shall keep walking and explore life, one moment at a time.

© Sheerin Naz.

Picture source: http://kingofwallpapers.com/lonely-girl-images/lonely-girl-images-014.jpg