I will be there.

When the alley of darkness blurs your vision,
and the roads that seemed familiar give nothing but, false directions,

When the people who meant the world grow apart,
and the fallacy of forevers hit you hard,

When you fail to mask that melancholy and break down,
as your eyes turn russet from brown;
with no shoulder to cry upon,

When dreams die a slow death and nightmares turn surreal,
making it all complex to contemplate
if it's happening for real,

When you try to voice yourself but, your scatterted thoughts lose its meaning
and you end conversations mid-way, trembling, fumbling,

When you scream for validation,
crave for attention
but, instead get lessons on existential crisis and how adulting demands perfection,

When you look in the mirror and the reflection is nowhere close to you,
and you realise it's time to bid adieu,

Wait.
Even if giving up seems the only way, wait.
I will be there. It's never too late.

Maybe with a hot cup of coffee or your favorite black forest ice cream,
We will sort the mess out like a team,
It's okay if you don't wish to talk.
We can sit in silence or go out for a walk.

I shall even quote your favorite book "The fault in our stars",
and remind you how Augustus Waters said "pain demands to be felt" which, you bravely have faced so far,

Remember how "okay was your always"? So, just hang in there. It's just a phase.

You will be okay,
and even if you are not, I will be there, listening to your silences while you fight your demons, every day.

I will be there. I will be there.

© Sheerin Naz.

For the love of terraces and everything dark.

As I take long, slow walks by the terrace, the sudden ushering of the wind induces my heart with warmth, which otherwise remains as cold as a chilly, December night. The soothing breeze untangles my messed up hair as if trying to fix the mess that my life has become. This terrace has been my happy place since years. Maybe not happy but, definitely a place where I find solitude and solace from the chaos of the world willing to judge me every single moment. I let them judge me, their validation doesn’t matter to me at all. I have long come out of the shell that yearned to get appreciated for all the little efforts I put in to make everything and everyone around me better. Not that I have stopped putting efforts but, yes I don’t expect anything more. So, as long as judging me makes them happy, they are free to do it all day long. Three cheers for their shallowness. I smile as I contemplate about life and everything in general. My scattered thoughts fail to find any meaning. I try too hard to fit amidst the familiar faces that look like absolute strangers to me. Oh, well, didn’t I just contradict myself? Yes, I did. That’s how I am. Complicated and full of paradoxes.

I am still walking. It’s weird how this terrace understands me so well when people around me fail to do so. It’s a place where my existence matters. It’s a place where I am not just another face in the crowd. A place where melancholy can comfortably find its place in my big brown eyes as I share stories that break my heart, one moment  at a time. The silence here is soothing. I feel like home here. I wonder how people call those four walls a home when the chaos of those walls is deafening at times, surpassing those silent screams that remain irrevocably unheard, always. I take a deep breath and observe everything around. The sky has turned crimson and the beautiful sunset is a sight to behold. I close my eyes for a while and suddenly it's pitch dark, everywhere. I realise I have kept my eyes closed a little too longer. Maybe I was lost in some parallel world where life was still happy and all sorted. I feel tired. The burden of unfathomable emotions is too heavy for my soul to carry, perhaps. I lean on the railing that surrounds the terrace. My skin touches its rusty base, making me realise how it has worn out over the years yet, has been standing tall, supporting me every time I fall or think of falling.

I smile a little more this time, a genuine one. It’s not a very happy smile but, it isn’t a sad smile either. I feel at peace as the sky illuminates with stars having a little rendezvous with the dark. The thought that light always finds its way through darkness gives me hope that I would survive all the storms that come my way, no matter what. Well, there is a reason I love being on terraces, it never lets me down. In fact, the world seems much more pretty from up here. I try looking as far as possible. The whole city is sparkling with lights. I start walking again, wondering that if at all, somewhere, someone just like me would be fighting his/her demons on a terrace while trying to find the meaning of life. I think, there are a lot of souls like me, giving up on life, every moment yet learning the art of survival and rising like a phoenix every single day. We might be a little lost, a little scared, a little messed up but, we definitely aren’t here to quit. Not today, not tomorrow, never ever!

And, for all those moments when the heart breaks a little too much or the complexities of life tears me up, I have my terrace to shed my inhibitions as I walk past my fears along those long, slow walks by the terrace, one step at a time.

© Sheerin Naz.

Reach out.

When the darkness starts creeping in a little too much and the walls of your room seems caving in, reach out to me. I will be standing right there, smiling.

Relax, I won't judge you. You even won't hear comforting words like "you will be fine", for, I know it's a constant struggle that you go through every day. But, hey, I will listen and help you cope up with your fears, one thought at a time. Just reach out to me, okay?

© Sheerin Naz.

A writer's melancholy.

They say "you writers make melancholy look beautiful".

"What if that's the only way we know to survive?"

I want to speak my heart out, but I stop mid-way. A faded smile comes on my face.

But, hey! I can always write, can't I?

© Sheerin Naz.

I wonder!

And, I wonder if by any means you knew I was breaking, one moment at a time, would you come and hold my broken pieces or just sit back and see me die, a slow death?

© Sheerin Naz.

Sunsets.

And, if at all, you ever bid me adieu, do it at the sunset. For, I will be happy in the delusion of finding you again amidst a sunset, someday. After all, sunsets give hope of a new day, new life, don't they?

Till then, I will look for you in every sunset, believing that somewhere in another corner of the world, you are doing the same.

© Sheerin Naz.

High on dreams.

And, someday, after years of melancholy, I will find you somewhere standing on that road again, where we had parted ways and drifted to never come back. You would be smiling and so would I - and, suddenly, all those years of bitterness would melt while we look at the sunset and share comfortable silences. For, that's how it was meant to be, always.

© Sheerin Naz.