For the love of terraces and everything dark.

As I take long, slow walks by the terrace, the sudden ushering of the wind induces my heart with warmth, which otherwise remains as cold as a chilly, December night. The soothing breeze untangles my messed up hair as if trying to fix the mess that my life has become. This terrace has been my happy place since years. Maybe not happy but, definitely a place where I find solitude and solace from the chaos of the world willing to judge me every single moment. I let them judge me, their validation doesn’t matter to me at all. I have long come out of the shell that yearned to get appreciated for all the little efforts I put in to make everything and everyone around me better. Not that I have stopped putting efforts but, yes I don’t expect anything more. So, as long as judging me makes them happy, they are free to do it all day long. Three cheers for their shallowness. I smile as I contemplate about life and everything in general. My scattered thoughts fail to find any meaning. I try too hard to fit amidst the familiar faces that look like absolute strangers to me. Oh, well, didn’t I just contradict myself? Yes, I did. That’s how I am. Complicated and full of paradoxes.

I am still walking. It’s weird how this terrace understands me so well when people around me fail to do so. It’s a place where my existence matters. It’s a place where I am not just another face in the crowd. A place where melancholy can comfortably find its place in my big brown eyes as I share stories that break my heart, one moment  at a time. The silence here is soothing. I feel like home here. I wonder how people call those four walls a home when the chaos of those walls is deafening at times, surpassing those silent screams that remain irrevocably unheard, always. I take a deep breath and observe everything around. The sky has turned crimson and the beautiful sunset is a sight to behold. I close my eyes for a while and suddenly it's pitch dark, everywhere. I realise I have kept my eyes closed a little too longer. Maybe I was lost in some parallel world where life was still happy and all sorted. I feel tired. The burden of unfathomable emotions is too heavy for my soul to carry, perhaps. I lean on the railing that surrounds the terrace. My skin touches its rusty base, making me realise how it has worn out over the years yet, has been standing tall, supporting me every time I fall or think of falling.

I smile a little more this time, a genuine one. It’s not a very happy smile but, it isn’t a sad smile either. I feel at peace as the sky illuminates with stars having a little rendezvous with the dark. The thought that light always finds its way through darkness gives me hope that I would survive all the storms that come my way, no matter what. Well, there is a reason I love being on terraces, it never lets me down. In fact, the world seems much more pretty from up here. I try looking as far as possible. The whole city is sparkling with lights. I start walking again, wondering that if at all, somewhere, someone just like me would be fighting his/her demons on a terrace while trying to find the meaning of life. I think, there are a lot of souls like me, giving up on life, every moment yet learning the art of survival and rising like a phoenix every single day. We might be a little lost, a little scared, a little messed up but, we definitely aren’t here to quit. Not today, not tomorrow, never ever!

And, for all those moments when the heart breaks a little too much or the complexities of life tears me up, I have my terrace to shed my inhibitions as I walk past my fears along those long, slow walks by the terrace, one step at a time.

© Sheerin Naz.

It's always good to be alive.

And, there comes a day when you give up on life, but life doesn't give up on you. Be grateful to such days for, these are blessings in disguise. Years later, when you shall be busy counting your happiness, a sudden reminiscence of that vulnerable day will hit you hard and the realization that life didn't let you give up at your weakest moment will induce you with solace. 

What if life didn't give you that second chance? What if your vulnerabilty carved your way towards oblivion? Wouldn't you miss out a lot in life?

No matter how tough life might seem, cling to your hope, hold on, fight and struggle your way through out. Remember, it's always good to be alive!

© Sheerin Naz.

Be you.

So, is it been a while you have been yourself? Trying too hard to fit in the crowd, eh? Ripping your soul apart while proving your worth to the world? Wait. Calm down. Relax and think,

"Is it necessary to be in everyone's good book"?
"Do you require to please everyone when your heart is breaking a little too much?"
"Does your sadness needs to be disguised beside that smile?"

Certainly not.

You're not here to prove your worthiness to the world. It's okay if people do not like you for what you are. It's okay if you despise crowd and being solitary is your idea of happiness. It's okay to cry your heart out and not camouflage your melancholy with a forced smile. It's okay. It's all okay.

Stop caring for people who hardly acknowledge your existence.
Stop valuing memories which no longer hold any meaning.
Stop being selfless when the world tries to hurt you hard. Stop it, for once and all.

Instead, find yourself. Enjoy your solitude. Exist. Survive. Rise.

And, one fine day you will see how your constant quest with life finds a meaning and how you meet the right kind of people who will appreciate you for being real, being unapologetic, embracing self-love and most importantly, being yourself.

In a world where everything is judged amidst the paramater of black and white, dare to be grey, be you! :)

© Sheerin Naz.

Hold on.

Even if things are not falling in place, hold on. Sooner or later, you'll find a way out and untangle the mess your life has become. Life is an enduring journey of struggles. And, all you need to do is conquer it, one struggle at a time. Till then, hold on and don't give up on yourself. Just hang in there. You're doing fine. You certainly are.

© Sheerin Naz.

"I am fine". "Am I"?

The cellphone rang the umpteenth time,
I chose not to pick the call and let the constant rings create chaos in the otherwise calm room. The phone went silent after a while. I picked it up and scrolled the screen. Plenty of missed calls and text messages were staring right at my face as if whining "why I was acting so indifferent". The missed calls and text messages showed familiar names. Family, friends, well wishers. Everyone trying to reach out yet no one understanding the fact that all I wish is to get lost and not be found, atleast for a while.

"The number you're calling is not answering". I wonder if this inbuilt voice could read my mind and convey the message "the number you're calling doesn't wish to talk". I smirk at my thought, take a deep breath and call, reply back everyone. Few complain, few enquire, few seem worried but get assured when I give obvious excuses of "my phone being on silent mode or I being busy".

I sigh. My head feels heavy. It is bound to, enormous dark thoughts are confined in it and still I am not supposed to act indifferent for, everything is perfect and being upset or sad about anything would make the world perceive me as an ungrateful human. I can't afford to do that so I need to smile, I need to act happy, I need to talk and I need to wear this mask everyday as long as I am not in my room, where everything is calm, silent and pitch dark.

Darkness intrigues me a little at times yet I find solace midst it for, this is the only time I can unmask myself, let my vulnerable, raw thoughts out and not be judged for being sad, a little lost and hopelessly hopeless.

© Sheerin Naz.

Twinkles, stars, happiness.

I have been smiling from a while. These twinkles and stars seem to brighten up my life, for a moment. I look around, trying to find some imperfection midst this perfect ambience. For, imperfections define my dark thoughts , the darkness has been my companion since a long time. Nevertheless, today is a different day. The stars delude me into thinking everything is perfect. I am amused at the delusion of happiness these twinkles are inducing me with. The darkness is sinking in oblivion, and I find a sense of solace. Even if it's for a while, it all makes sense now. This moment, this time, the solitude, it's all mine. For a change, the broken looks beautiful and chaos looks sorted. Sigh!

© Sheerin Naz.

Twinkles!

Scars are beautiful.

The chronicals of survival are best depicted through scars. It has profound stories of pain, tears, struggles and fights engraved deeply within us which springs up in our memories once in a while, reminding us of all the bad times, how we battled them out and our sheer courage that carved the beautiful destination of life out of a journey that seemed nothing less than a dead end.

Scars are beautiful because it shows the undying spirit of every survivor who refused to give up on life and fought till the end. 🙋☺

© Sheerin Naz.

The battle is yours.

And a day comes when you realise that your battle is solely yours. You might meet people during your quest of survival, some would guide you through your battle, some would distract you from your path, some would believe in your efforts and few would mock at your struggle. But, nobody is here to stay, people good or bad, evil or kind, angels or demons shall sink in oblivion, leaving you alone to sail through the storms of life. This is the time when you need to stay strong, keep yourself intact and fight your battle with courage. Remember, you don't need to wait for any knight in shining armor to fight for you. The battle is yours and you got to be a warrior who kicks out the hurricane and comes out as as a hero.

© Sheerin Naz.

Complexities and Ironies.

All our lives we keep fighting and struggling for our dreams. However, the irony lies in the fact that when finally those dreams come true, our happiness is accompanied with a little sadness too for the reason that there would no more fights and struggles which were our only companion during that tough phase of survival.

We humans are no less than a paradox. All our lives we wait for our destination and once we reach there, we start missing the journey that paved avenues for the destination. We are everything made up of complexities, aren't we?

© Sheerin Naz.

Fights and struggles define us.

Life, a paradox in itself has a way of changing our lives when we least expect it. We can be happy at a moment and the very next moment something can break us completely. That is why life happens to be profoundly beautiful yet sad and tragic at times.

Life ain't perfect for anyone. If we see carefully we shall find that everyone around us is a little broken, who wants to give up on life at some point. They are tired of collecting their broken pieces and standing strong all the time. So, what is the ultimate plan? Does life come with an escape route? Is giving up the only way left? Ofcourse not! Never give up on yourself because no one else but you alone can get yourself out of the mess that life has created around you. You might be broken, you might be tired of trying but, please cling on the hope of having a better tomorrow, a better life and a better world because "the wound is the place where light enters you". This painfully beautiful line from Rumi sums it all, doesn't it?

Hoping helps and so does being broken because broken people know the worth of being strong. They have been through the excruciating pain that life induced them with and still manage to fight with it everyday. No matter if they lose their every fight to life and destiny every single day, that doesn't make them any less of a fighter. They keep fighting, they keep struggling, they keep losing unless a day comes when fights and struggles become their companion, their life.

If you were never wounded, you won't know the value of healing. If you were never lost, you won't know the value of being found. If you never failed, you won't know the value of success and if you were never broken, you won't value the strength of being strong.

So no matter how broken or wounded you are, no matter how many times you lost your way, no matter how many times you fail, never ever give up on yourself because at the end of the day it is our fights and struggles that truly define who we are and who we can be.

© Sheerin Naz.