The never agains.

There comes a time in life when suddenly a series of "never agains" happen. The people, the places, the things we always took for granted suddenly disappear out of nowhere. And, we stand their clueless, having no idea how to deal with it, afraid of being lost and be never found again. Life has a weird way of bringing transitions when you least want it.

Spending a decade at school, becoming best of friends with a bunch of crazy folks, the never ending classes (not to forget the obnoxious teachers), the terrible exams, the classrooms that felt like home became memories even before I realised it. One fine day, I just returned and never went back. Never again, I enthusiastically sang the school antheme in my half sleepy voice (morning assembly, you know?), never again my gang of friends gathered in canteen, munching over their favourite snacks dipped in hot gossips, never again I found my teachers obnoxious (yeah, growing up), never again the last minute study boosted my confidence in exams and never again I felt so protected yet so care free. 

A little lost, a little anxious, leaving behind the people, the place that was my world, I moved forward, oblivious of the never agains that would hit me again few years down the line. Midst college, new place, new faces and a new journey I rebuilt my own little world, carved with dreams, aspirations, assignments, semesters and crazy friends yet again (lucky twice!) Growing up did show me the delusion of this world in bits and pieces yet, I chose to comfort myself with the illusions of forevers. However, the inevitable change hit me again, and I found myself trapped in the vicious circle of never agains once more. It broke my heart a little too much. The fact that my world fell apart yet again, hit me hard. As I bid adieu to everyone and smile through tears, I feel scared, deja vu I guess. I have felt this before and there would be a plethora of experiences in future that would make me feel the exact same way. 

Scared, anxious, lonely I walk towards a new journey, the roads I am going to take now will be a little more difficult than the previous ones. I will be judged, criticised, applauded and motivated at times too. I might make few acquaintances also. I say acquaintances becauses friendships get a little overrated by this time. The transitions over the years might make me mature or else I will pretend being mature (half of the people do that, don't they?) In the race of perfection, I will get trapped midst professional and personal life, seldom realising the fact that how perfect I am with my imperfections. The occasional outings with the school buddies and college friends (we promised to annoy each other forever) will bring all the emotions in "Carpe diem" and "YOLO". I will smile genuinely for a while and crave to literally seize the moment but would end up doing check-ins and uploads on Instagram and Facebook.

And, as years pass by and time keeps moving, one fine day while siping my favourite cappuccino, reading "The fault in our stars" the umpteenth time, the "never agains" will wave at me yet again. Deja vu, is it? No. Not exactly. I won't be scared this time. I will be at solace and smile as I walk towards the dead end, holding all my memories firmly, never ever to return. I will look back once just to make sure if my closed ones realise the end of my existence and smile half heartedly as they desperately try to stop me from sinking in oblivion. Never again, my cappuccino will find my taste buds, never again the pages of "The fault in our stars" will witness the touch of its favourite reader, never again my closed ones would feel my presence, never again my friends would laugh with me and never again I will have to prove the world that "I was perfectly perfect with my imperfections." Adieu!

© Sheerin Naz.

          Picture courtesy: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/07/Lifetitle.jpg

Nostalgic November.

The wind ushering the leaves tangled in the thoughts of "Nostalgic November", the mild shivers springing up the memoirs long forgotten, the moments inked deep down in a corner of heart. I wonder how November has a way of bringing back so many memories.

© Sheerin Naz.

When the doors of memoirs open.

It is the hours in the middle of such dark nights which makes her lonely soul realise that his footprints are still fresh in the pavements of her heart. <3

© Sheerin Naz.

How real is the virtual world? (Tiny tale)

"RIP Riya. We miss you". He captioned her photograph and uploaded it as a token of remembrance.

1K likes, 500 comments and 250 shares later, she became just another post and a very distant memory.

© Sheerin Naz.

I shall be gone!

Someday I shall be gone, people who love me might miss me, cry over me too but, time has a way of making people forget everything. Maybe this is how life is meant to be. Life goes on, remember? The very thought that someday I shall become just a distant memory scares me. The memories of my presence shall be blurred, lying in the corner of laptop, mobile folders or maybe in the recycle bins too. And, this feels terrible.

I wonder if I shall be more than just a distant memory for anyone? I hope, I shall be. Because, I want to be remembered. I want to be cherished. And, someday, few years down the line when I pass through anyone's memory, I hope they think about me with a smile, a genuine one. :)

#IShallBeGone #Memories #Smile #Forgetting #LifeGoesOn #Remembrance.

© Sheerin Naz.

Falling in love, Again!

"Arpita, Come here! The water is so beautiful here".

This voice brought Arpita back from her cluster of thoughts. It was his husband Mohit's voice who was standing by the seashore. Arpita moved towards him and Mohit held her hand tightly, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"Isn't the water beautiful here"? Mohit asked pulling her closer.

"Yeah! It is". Arpita nodded in affirmation with a smile.

The water in the sea were moving in a rhythm, creating a musical sound which was very serene and beautiful. The winds, it seemed were in love with the sea shore. The amiable wind was playing with Arpita's hair. She tried putting her hair strands behind the ear but the breeze kept teasing her. Mohit was observing this from a long time. He took Arpita's hand and said..

"These hair strands coming on your face is adding more glow to your beauty. Don't disturb them". Mohit moved his hands on her soft cheeks and Arpita felt his love all over again.

They had been married for almost 4 years now and Mohit had been a wonderful husband. He adored Arpita.

"Hey! Wait, hold on."Mohit said suddenly.

"What, why"?? Arpita asked in a confused tone.

"Ohh, stupid! Just hold on this look, I want to capture this moment, you look so beauitiful right now". Mohit said in excitement.

He clicked a few pictures of his gorgeous wife and was busy deciding that which picture was the best amongst all. He loved clicking pictures. For him they were memories. Memories of the moments which could never come back. He wanted to capture those moments so that he could re-live those moments whenever he wanted.

"Arpita, you look the best in this. These hair falling on your face, your eyes and this smile. You look splendid". Mohit said pointing towards a particular picture.

Arpita looked in Mohit's eyes. They had so much of love and appreciation in them. But she couldn't look up in his eyes anymore because those eyes full of love reminded her of  "Rahul". The guy she used to love. They both loved each other but as destiny would have it, they could not be together and moved on without having any bitter feelings for each other. Time moved on but their feelings never died.Though Arpita got married to Mohit but a corner of her heart still remembered Rahul. She was happy with Mohit. She never tried keeping in touch with Rahul. She knew he had his own world now but whenever she saw in Mohit's eyes, the love in those eyes reminded of the same love that once Rahul used to have for her. It was a very strange kind of feeling. She could never understand this. She remembered how Rahul also used to click her random pictures and then keep talking about it all the time. She wondered how two different persons can think exactly in the same manner. But she could never get any answers. Maybe it was destiny's way of showing her that "Rahul was gone but he has left behind his essence in form of Mohit".

When there can be 7 people with the same faces and appearance in the world then why can't there be people with the exactly same nature and behaviour??

"Arpita, you seem lost again. C'mon." Mohit again interrupted her thought process.

Arpita shrugged off those thoughts and held Mohit tightly. She knew how lucky she was to get love again in her life. The sky was turning crimson. It was time to go back. Mohit and Arpita moved towards their destination and Arpita just hoped and wished that Rahul, wherever he was would be happy in his life. :)

© Sheerin Naz.

Pain never fades.

Time never heals the pain. We just learn to live with the fact that life can never be the same again, clinging to the memories which have their own little happy place. :)

And that is how we mask ourselves with the happiness which is not really there.

-© Sheerin Naz.

Warm winter nights!

She looked like some warm winter night, lonely but beautiful, cuddled up in the memories of spring which faded long back! :) <3  

-© Sheerin Naz.

December! <3

The chilling wind springing the warm memoirs cuddled up in fog, December has a way of saying good bye with profoundness, taking its footprints towards a new chapter, a new life, collecting memories imprinted in the last few chapters with a hope of inking more awesomeness thatJanuary would bestow us with.  

-© Sheerin Naz.

"SCREENSHOTS" - A short story.

Over the years, she had developed a habit of taking screenshots of profound, beautiful conversations she had with him. The love of her life.

"Why do you need to take screenshot of everything, Love. Aren't photographs enough?" He used to ask.

"I am collecting our memories. Everyone keeps photographs. I want to remember our conversations too". She would reply with the cutest smile.

"We are going to have a beautiful forever together. And, every day of our life would be so beautiful that you won't get time to look back at old memories". He said with all the love he had for her.

"Oh! The guy in this conversation is so cute. I want to meet him". A middle aged man, with patches of grey and white hair, his eyes shining behind the spectacles said in an excited yet kiddish tone.

"This is that guy". She pointed towards the huge antique mirror which showed his reflection.

"Are you kidding me? How can that guy be me? I don't even know you." He was annoyed.

"Hahaha! You caught me! Isn't it funny? Oh god! I am so funny!!" She acted laughing as loud as she could and he innocently joined her in.

She looked at him with eyes wet with emotions. The guy she married 25 years back did not remember her at all. The disease dementia has taken his memory away.

"Why don't you show him your photographs with him?" Her friends and family would advice.

"Those photographs would only confuse and torture him and, that is way too much for an innocent mind to handle and, I can't afford to put him through all that mental pain. I love him too much to do that to him". She would reply bluntly. Love has a way of making people honest towards their feelings.

Dementia failed to take her love for him away, it could not take their memories away from her because if it is meant to be forever, it shall be forever. No matter come what may. He had forgotten her but, he still loved to read those screenshots of conversations. Maybe he didn't realise but somewhere his heart knew that he was a part of these profound conversations. And, she was perfectly happy with the little joy those screenshots brought in their lives. <3

- © Sheerin Naz.

The good old times! :)

You have memories to look back today".

Midst the cluster of Facebook notifications, her eyes stopped at this particular notification.

"No use checking it out, it must be some stupid, illogical post I updated years back. I wonder how silly people are when we first join Facebook. Ah, ya, well! I was no exception". She tried overlooking that notification and hit the newsfeed. But, then heart has its own way of clinging to the memories, no matter how stupid it might seem. She clicked back at the notification window.

"Ummm, okay! There's no harm looking at memories". She murmured with curiosity.

And, there she was, 4 years back, smiling like an idiot with her best friend. The memories of their Manali trip came rushing to her. How she wished she could go back in time and replay those memories. She kept reading the funny, hilarious comments that photograph was bestowed with. Tears trickled down her wet eyes and, she realised that she had been looking at the laptop screen for quite a long time.

"Damn! Its been ages. I haven't talked to her. I need to call now". The emotions overflowed in her heart as she dialled her best buddy's number. Sometimes, we get so busy midst the chaos of our lives, that we forget those friendships who once were our sole reason to live. Friendships we could die for.

"The number you're calling is busy on another call". The computerised voice from the other side disappointed her. She kept trying until she was disturbed by a call on the landline.

"Who on earth is calling right now!" She was annoyed with this sudden disruption.

"Hello, Who is this"? She asked annoyed.

"Where have you been, idiot? I have had been calling you from past few minutes". She was happily surprised on hearing this familiar friendly voice. Ofcourse, how could she not recognise her best friend's voice.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! You won't believe me, I was trying your call right now, right away". She almost screamed with excitement.

"What??? Really? What a beautiful coincidence. You know, I saw our memories on . . "

"On Facebook?? Wow! Now this is freaking awesome. What timing, girl!" She cut short her sentence midway. Life has a cute way of bringing people back.

"This is epic, really!!" They shouted in unison.

And the phone call kept going, memories were replayed, recollected. They had so much to talk, so much to catch up, so much to share. The profound conversstion can never find its end when best friends talk and that too after years.

Busy? It is okay! We all are. But, take out time and call your long lost friend, once in a while. Revive your good old days, share old memories and make new ones. It would be worth it. Trust me! :)

- © Sheerin Naz.