Ides of March.

They say "beware the ides of March". I wonder why? Would it delay the inevitable? It certainly wouldn't. Life comes a full circle, no matter what. So, instead of being cautious about the utterly unpredictable life, enjoy while it lasts.

© Sheerin Naz.

Twinkles, stars, happiness.

I have been smiling from a while. These twinkles and stars seem to brighten up my life, for a moment. I look around, trying to find some imperfection midst this perfect ambience. For, imperfections define my dark thoughts , the darkness has been my companion since a long time. Nevertheless, today is a different day. The stars delude me into thinking everything is perfect. I am amused at the delusion of happiness these twinkles are inducing me with. The darkness is sinking in oblivion, and I find a sense of solace. Even if it's for a while, it all makes sense now. This moment, this time, the solitude, it's all mine. For a change, the broken looks beautiful and chaos looks sorted. Sigh!

© Sheerin Naz.

Twinkles!

Things I often think about. Ordinary yet beautiful.

I am sitting here from a while. The wooden bench at the corner of the park has been my favourite since a long time. It is my happy place where I can sit for hours and calm the chaos that surrounds me all the time. The deserted bench feels like home, the silence here is amusingly soothing. I take a deep breath and look around, lots of people everywhere. Some familiar faces, some strangers. I smile when when my eyes meet theirs, they reciprocrate. A warm gesture that has been a routine from the day I started visiting here. Just a smile and that's all.
I am not that "lets talk it all" kind of person, I am more of a "lets just smile and get away with it" person. Socially awkward. That's me. I am comfortable in my silences, it lets me paint my chaos on the canvas of words. Maybe this is how I tend to survive, on words that I ink and the stories that I tell. It's late. The sun is all set to bid goodbye for a while. Time to walk away from solace and get back to the chaos of the world that is everything made up of paradoxes and contradictions. I walk away from my happy place, assuring myself of being back here tomorrow. The roads seem longer than usual. I take small steps, lost in the beauty of the nature revived by the rain the previous day. My eyes stop at a tree where the autumn leaves are falling. For a change, the broken looks beautiful. I wish the same was the case with humans too. We don't look beautiful when broken. I smirk at my dark thoughts and keep walking. The pain in my eyes is evident but, I still cling to the hope of another day. Life might not change in a day, nevertheless I will have my wooden bench to lean upon and share my comfortable silences with.

© Sheerin Naz.

Photo courtesy: https://cdn.shutterstock.com/shutterstock/videos/19468216/thumb/1.jpg

Written yet unsaid.

The only thing I'd leave unsaid is your memory that inks its way in my proses and poems, draped in fiction, carved out of profoundness. I wish, when someday you come across the emotions I inked and find a piece of yourself in every word that was written yet left unsaid, nostalgia hits you hard where it hurts the most, the heart!

© Sheerin Naz.

Picture source: https://keithnicolas.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/writing_20bible_20scroll_201.jpg

High on dark thoughts.

I sit quietly in the corner of my room, analysing anything and everything. It's in the middle of such dark nights when I wish to confront my demons. I try talking but, my voice gets choked up. Maybe the burden of emotions is too heavy to be voiced out. I divert my mind and stare at the intricate details of my wall. Shades of pink, everywhere. The lights illuminate the pink walls, making it all bright and beautiful. I wonder if it could reflect some brightness in my life too. I sigh and look at the wall clock. The constant ticking of the clock in the dead silence scares me. Time is sinking with each second and I am still in the middle of nowhere. I try keeping calm but, fail hopelessly at not succumbing to my vulnerabilities.

My smile denies to mask my pain. Loneliness grips me hard which I always try covering up with a tag of solitude. The delusion of happiness helps me cope up during day. However, nights have a different story. Away from the chaos of the world, my mind gets trapped in its own dark thoughts. I wish to escape yet I see nothing but, dead ends everywhere. I have been dying, one moment at a time yet I hope I find my existence, someday soon enough.

© Sheerin Naz.

Photo courtesy: https://aurynhadleydotcom.files.wordpress.com/2016/05/asjl0uigor.jpg?w=863

Rain, books and coffee.

It was one of those rainy days when solitude was all she wished to seek, where she could unwind herself midst the rhythm of raindrops. And, her idea of solace was nothing short of a magical journey which found its destination in the profoundness of the withered pages of her favourite books. 

A little drenched in rain, she took a brief walk down the book cafe. Her eyes gleamed with happiness as she stood there for a while, admiring the beauty of the book cafe carved intricately from woods with a tinge of vintage effect to it. This was her happy place where life embraced her with open arms. It seemed as if she had always been here, wandering past the book shelfs, inhaling the fragnance of the books, falling in love with stories in the process of reading, creating memories dipped in happiness and melancholy, inking thoughts over a cup of coffee and enjoying her solitude to the core.

She was meant to be here for, a bibliophile was about to fall in love with someone other than book characters.

Unaware of the unprecedented events that was about to happen, she ordered her usual Cappuccino and took out her favourite book "The fault in our stars". She was reading it for the umpteenth time yet, never had enough of it. On days like this, the pratogonists "Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace" used to be her companions of solitude. Their love story broke her heart yet healed it at the same time for, she was everything made up of paradoxes, contradictions, metaphors and profoundness.

Lost in the warmth of the Cappuccino and her book, she kept reading it, embracing every emotion inked on its withered pages. Once in a while, she tucked her hair coming in between the beautifully carved words. And, this was the time cupid came knocking.

"The world is not a wish granting factory, my friend".

She was happily startled by this sudden interruption for, there stood a guy who just quoted her favourite sentence from the book she absolutely loved.

"Tfios fan?" She chuckled while calming her nerves.

"Any doubt? afterall, the pain demands to be felt, doesn't it?" He smiled while taking his seat opposite to her.

"Indeed, it does". She reciprocated while trying not to get lost in his deep, enchanting eyes.

"I might fail miserably in my attempt of not sounding creepy but, I have been observing you from the moment you entered in the cafe". His tone was mild yet firm.

"Is that so? I didn't realise". She was startled again.

"More than the rain, you seemed drenched in your thoughts and, your melonchalic expressions while experiencing heart break at the hands of a paperback melted my heart a little too much". He confessed as the cupid hit him hard.

"I just love Tfios a little too much. It is tragically beautiful". She smiled conciously.

"So, who is your favourite? Augustus or Hazel?" The Tfios fan within him was eager to know.

"Hazel is a sweetheart but, I love Augustus more". She confessed.

"I heart Hazel Grace though, I am yet to find someone as profound as her in real life". He looked in her eyes dropping obvious hints.

"I haven't found my Augustus either". She knew the wait was over.

"I won't mind being your Augustus if you promise to be my Hazel Grace". He always wore his heart on sleeves.

"I hope our stars won't have any faults". Her heart was overwhelmed.

That day, the book cafe witnessed a love story inked from the mutual love of books, emotions, thoughts and memories. It's said, a lot can happen over coffee; little does the world know that a lot can happen over books too.

Rain, coffee, books and two bibliophiles lost in the infinite memoirs of Tfios, could there be a love story better than this? Never ever.

© Sheerin Naz.

Picture source: http://68.media.tumblr.com/73b45bcc51ad4839e3183b7dcfa072b3/tumblr_nkg8u9zD8P1qjxryao1_500.jpg

Never settle for less.

While you sit beside, sharing your life, dreams and stories with me, I try looking in your eyes to find a reassurance of my existence in your conversations. But, all I observe is a void which is going nowhere. My heart sinks, my vision gets blurred, your voice still echoing in my ears yet there seems a deafening silence all around. You seem strangely undisturbed, lost somewhere in a world where I cannot find my destination. Your presence makes me feel lonely, you are right in front of me yet I find you distant, very distant. I feel as if I am midst an oasis in a far away desert yet, my thirst remains unquenched. Slowly, my thoughts get a vision, you are still talking, unaware of the chaos within my heart. I look at you once again, not to find any assurance this time but, to break free. I hold your hand and smile. You seem clueless.

"My chaos can never find solace in a world carved solely for you". I say with a profound sadness and walk away.

I don't look back. I never will for, someday, somewhere I shall find a place I can call home, someone who can quench my soul, someone whose life, dreams and conversations will have my existence imprinted everywhere. Till then, I shall keep walking and explore life, one moment at a time.

© Sheerin Naz.

Picture source: http://kingofwallpapers.com/lonely-girl-images/lonely-girl-images-014.jpg